She Creates: jennifer hassel

This week we are highlighting the work of Jennifer Hassel who attended our Watercolors, Words, and Waves retreat earlier this April! Jennifer knows something about “Being and Becoming” having become a widow at 49 after losing her husband to cancer. read more below.

The tug-of-war between being and becoming is something we women are altogether familiar with, isn’t it? On the one hand, part of living fully means learning to unconditionally accept who we are (being). But, on the other hand, living to the full ALSO requires growing, changing, and letting go of the things that no longer serve us (becoming). What are we to do? Can these two seemingly opposite trends work in tandem? Yes, they sure can.

This was modeled for us recently by Jennifer Hassel during one of our retreat activities in Beaufort when we were invited to write an “I am” poem. Being a guided poem, we were given a prompt and simple sentence starter for each line of the poem. The poem was also anchored by the recurring phrase, “I am ________” sprinkled throughout, and each woman filled in the blank with either her name or how she chose to describe herself. 

At the end of our writing time, we not only beheld a 19-line poem reflecting our truths back to us, but we also read them aloud. When Jennifer read hers, it was powerful. Somehow she had managed to capture the reality of being and becoming—but it was no tug-of-war, both were clearly welcome at the table, invited no doubt by Lady Wisdom, a good friend of Jen’s, and also gained through her life experience of becoming a widow at 49 and the subsequent journey she went on to find new hope and purpose. 

Amazingly, at first Jen wasn’t sure if she was up to the activity and said, “When I heard we were going to "write poetry" for the next hour, I dreaded it knowing that I don't have a poet's heart. Not to fear. Kathy led our group through a series of self-reflecting questions that each of us could easily answer. In doing so, we were actually writing a uniquely insightful and lovely poem. Sharing these beautiful and in some cases funny poems with the group was one of my favorite aspects of our time together.” 

So, Jennifer, thank you. Thank you for your wisdom and for reflecting back to us what we women often don’t know how to reconcile: that being and becoming can share the limelight. That there is room at the table for both. We are thrilled to share your piece with the WFS community!

Jennifer writes beautifully and courageously at https://jenniferehassel.com/, and we encourage you to read more of her work or follow her @jenniferehassel on Instagram! Also, be on the lookout for her upcoming memoir, “Badass Grief”, which details the ways she embraced living fully again after the loss of her first husband.

—kemi

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I Am…Jennifer

I am long limbed though not limber - in body or in mind.

I wonder what these next years will bring for me & for my young adult children.

I hear the silence of things unsaid.

I see imperfections, even though I’d rather not.

I want the book I wrote to be born in the world.

I am DOUBTFUL.

I pretend that I am not limited by my body getting older.

I feel grateful to be here, in this chair, on this retreat: whole, warm, fed & clean.

I touch the contours of others’ emotions and sometimes want to smooth out their wrinkles and their bulges.

I worry that I’m making wrong decisions, wasting all that God’s given me.

I cry to remember who is missing.

I am IN PROCESS.

I understand that so many others have unfilled needs whereas I am privileged to have choices.

I say “I believe in you. I am in your corner. I see your strength.”

I dream of beauty and of days all to myself in which to find it as well as to make it.

I create stories that express the deeper emotions for those who can’t find the words.

I hope to hold a grandchild and look into his or her eyes before I die.

I am ENOUGH.

By Jennifer Hassel

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Jennifer Hassel worked as a real estate and business lawyer for 11 years before deciding to pursue another path. The new career involved working with her husband on the tiny nonprofit they formed to feed hungry children in Lancaster County, specifically, their own three children. After her husband’s death from cancer, Jennifer carried on that work alone. She decided to return to school to become a registered nurse so she could use the lessons learned from living through terminal illness, suffering, and grief to help other families facing their own health crises. Writing from what she knows through first-hand experience, she has been published in The Philadelphia Lawyer, Joyful Life Magazine, The Sun, and the local newspaper of her hometown, Lancaster LNP. She won her nursing graduating class’s Portfolio Award for her series of essays relating to the profession and practice of nursing. Jennifer is working to publish her first book next year, a memoir entitled "Badass Grief". Learn more at https://jenniferehassel.com/ or follow @jenniferehassel on Instagram.

Kathy Izard is the founder of Women | Faith & Story (www.womenfaithstory.com) and the award-winning author of three books. Her first memoir The Hundred Story Home released in 2016, received a Christopher Award for outstanding inspirational nonfiction. In 2019, she created a children’s book, A Good Night for Mr. Coleman with artist Evelyn Henson, encouraging kids to dream big and do good. Her new memoir, The Last Ordinary Hour, is now available in ebook, audiobook, and paperback through your favorite booksellers. Kathy’s work has been featured on NPR as well as the Today Show inspiring people to be changemakers in their communities. Learn more www.kathyizard.com.